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Saving for the future

Sometimes we have the funds to fund our new life, but we think we need to hang on to it. Save it for retirement. Save it for a rainy day. Perhaps that day is here?
I've had several discontinuances in my life. Perhaps the universe thought I should have more practice than most, so I'd know what I was talking about in writing this book.
After my career screeched to a halt, I found myself back in Seattle with a paid off mortgage on my condo. I could live really cheap. But as life would have it, in order to grow I needed to move on. Was I scared? You bet!
It didn't happen right away. I spent several years in personal development workshops to get to the point where the universe meant I was ready. Looking back, there was so little I understood about my path. I didn't have a road map. I just had to learn to trust, and that didn't come easy.
Once the condo sold, I had a bunch of cash to put in the bank. Scary to me. What do I do with it? How do I handle it? Never in my wildest dreams did I think the universe meant for me to spend it. I thought I'd be back in the working world. Ha!
Long and the short of it, the money supported me through trips, travels, workshops and experiences. In a way it's too bad I didn't know this is what was intended. If I had trusted my intuition earlier, I would have chucked the logical path out the window and traveled a different path. I was going to write I would have ARRIVED sooner, but the point of the game is to go have the experience. If I had listened to that quiet intuition, I wouldn't have done a nine month walkabout in Sweden, interviewing with all the top companies. It's now that I write about it that I realize I wouldn't be me without that experience. So what may look like a long way to get from here to there, is actually the path that takes us into ourselves.
Funny, this theme surfaced in my morning meditation. I was frustrated at all the "interruptions" in getting to write this book. At the same time I acknowledged that the interruptions were part of the process, for some reason. Although I could feel that all the other stuff was keeping me from writing, it's somehow necessary for the book to become whole.
Not long after I had started writing books, money worries loomed on the horizon. I'd used up my condo cash and was loathe to tap into my pension savings. I needed to save it for retirement, didn't I? Besides, there was a 10% penalty for withdrawing the money at such an early age. I fretted. My friends listened to my ramblings. One of them turned out to be very wise.
- Maybe you have this money, because you are meant to use it, she said. If you use the money now, you will be free to focus on writing and creating. You won't have to take some job just to support yourself, which also would take time away from your writing. And if you do the writing now, you'll probably have enough royalties when you do retire.
I had the guts to listen to her. She was so right! I had the money because I was meant to use it, at that point in time. I started withdrawing on my pension IRA, paying the 10% penalty tax, and focused on writing. I am really glad for my friend's wisdom.
If you've sold a house or had a windfall for whatever reason, be smart and use the money to follow your heart. I see so many people trying to force a way to make money, when all they'd have to do is use what they got an follow the path of intuition in itty bitty steps.

In this moment

An exercise I learned early on, from favorite teacher insui.

All of us in the group were in various states of confusion. Life as we knew it and expected it to be had gone bye bye. The rug had been pulled out from under us in various ways. Divorces, job losses and health issues were forcing us to learn new ways of relating to the world. Every once in a while one or more of us would surface a worry about the future.
- How am I going to survive financially?
- Will I ever have the energy to get back to work?
- What in the world am I going to do when my money runs out?
- What will happen if I can't ever get a job again?
- What if my health never gets better?
… and so on.
We were all worried about the future. Many of us were trying to get back to where we were. Human nature, to try to get that which is lost back. But you can't move forward with all the past as baggage.
Anyway, insui had this exercise for us. It's so easy. Three simple questions:
- In this moment, do you have food to eat?
- In this moment, do you have a roof over your head?
- In this moment, do you have clothes on your back?
We were OK. The answer to all of the above was YES. In this moment I am OK. That is all you need to know.

Quote at start of book

I found this great quote that fits Z 2 A to a tee. I will put it at the beginning of the book.

If you know EXACTLY what you are going to do, what is the point of doing it?
Pablo Picasso

When people look at my paintings, they ask questions like:

• What were you thinking?
• What statement are you making here?
• What is this painting about?

The answer is to not think, to not plan, to be where you are in the moment. My best paintings come about when I let go and just let intuition guide me to colors, brushes, techniques… where I just let go and play.

When we are in Z 2 A space, other people want to know:
- What are your plans?

The whole point of exploring the unknown is just that, THE UNKNOWN. Only by crossing the chasm of no data can you chart the flight of intuition.

When a door opens…

When a door opens, I walk through it. My mind may have a totally different idea of what is meant to happen right then, but what does it know? When I was guided to a house that was obviously meant for me, I did have a choice. I could accept that the universe sees farther than I, or I could insist it be my way or the highway.
It's weird in a way. Since I moved in here, so many people have asked me about the house.
- How is it? they ask, expecting abundant enthusiasm. They are met with a "it's fine," from me. I do feel at home in the house, it feels totally mine. But is it what I dreamt of? No. But it is clear to me this is where I need to be, right now. I don't know how to explain the lack of gushing superlatives about my abode, and it's hard to put my finger on the feelings I have about it. Granted this isn't my first house, so that newness, like buying a new car, isn't there. On the other hand, when I think of the cars I've owned over the years, I've absolutely loved some, hated some, and been pretty indifferent to others. It's life I guess. Some experiences touch us deeply, others do not. Maybe the Buddhists have the right idea, learn to accept everything and not label it good or bad?
The car I have at the moment, is my favorite of all time. I love this car more than any other I've owned or driven. Why? I don't know. How can you explain feelings? They just are…
When a door opens… you may wonder what will happen if you were to walk through it. The only way you can find out is to take that step and do it. You won't know by traveling there in your mind, although it can give you a hint. Will you feel fear? Most likely. We all have fear of the unknown. I have it. You have it. We all have it.
While sharing some of the adventures of my life with a new friend, she wonders:
- Aren't you ever scared?
- Of course, often, I reply.
Such is the path of the seeker, you don't know what is around the corner, you may fear that uncertainty, but you have to go there anyway. So tuck that football of fear under your arm and charge!
Every so often, I run into someone who has defined how their solution will look, complete with all the details. There is a potential trap in being this specific. It's easy to get locked into that mental prison that says my way or the highway. By being defined in "this is how it has to look to be right" we may miss the door that flies open that actually is right for us, at that moment.
- I don't know what I don't know, says a friend of mine. It's the conclusion she came to after studying metaphysics for twenty years. The more we learn, the less we know.
I can look back at my insights and conclusions and see that I was only partially right. When I concluded that all I needed to do was get my parents moved into assisted living and I would be free to tootle off into the sunset, I had no idea how much work there would be thereafter. Two years later it's settled down, but there are still things to be taken care of and dealt with on an on-going basis. Not so much that I can't take off for extended travels in between and when I 'm home I have a big enough house to hold all my creative endeavors. Life is where it needs to be, right now.

The Penny Drops on the Annecy shift

Note: This text was added as a Diary entry on June 15, 2007 in my book Secrets of Transformation (2nd edition of The Naked Truth). My plans were to focus on writing Z 2 A but that book came in between to complete…

As I settled into my morning meditation, I noticed a lot of energy right away, as a result of sending out the “missing puzzle piece” email. I felt free and happy to have written something personal. For once it wasn't about promoting my stuff in a "business like" fashion, it was just a note about my feelings, in the moment. I became aware of a weariness of breathing out, which is how I think of marketing. Sometimes I feel like I'm shouting into empty space, without knowing if anyone even reads all these emails. I'm sensing its high time for breathing in, which is how I think of much of my creative stuff and to get on with the writing of this book.
Relaxing into my meditation, there was emotion. Relief, some quiet tears. A wondering what I was still doing here in Sweden? When I had taken off from Paradis three years ago, I was heading for Annecy in France with certainty and strong guidance. The weird thing is, I felt the shift on the way down. Somewhere in Germany, I felt that someone had changed their mind, that a definite shift had happened. It felt like a rubber band pulling me back. I didn't understand it then, but as I journeyed on it was clear as a bell I did not be-long in Annecy. I had a few more things to sort out and experience, so I didn't go back straight away. As I continued my "walkabout" by car, the connection to my friends in Sweden became very strong. I realized that for the next few years, I would be taking off on tours to market my books, so I needed a base. I also knew that if I was to change countries, I wanted to be in an English speaking one, and the one that came to mind was the USA. I headed back to Sweden.
Back "home" I spent a fair amount of time settling in be-fore a tour came about, then there was a long space in be-tween and it’s only since last fall that I've been going on jaunts, however they haven't been as long as I'd thought. The two trips so far have been to the US.
I've meandered off the intro, you might as well get used to it, I do have a meandering mind. Think of it like you're sitting here drinking tea with me and the conversation meanders…
So instead of having a base to travel from, it felt like I had a base that I was mostly living in. During this time period my parents moved back to Sweden, and to put it mildly, there have been a lot of details to help them with. I'm not your cookies and milk type, or the kind that fluffs your pil-lows, but they have enough friends and relatives that provide that for them. What I've focused on is helping Dad get all the financial and legal stuff up to snuff, making sure they have the services they need, you know all that structural and or-ganizational stuff, which I happen to be quite good at.
As I sat in meditation this morning, I realized that my job, the big reason I was pulled back to Sweden, was for the purpose of helping my parents settle in. What I had experi-enced, was their decision on the inner planes to come back here, and that is what pulled me back from moving to France, like a rubber band. It's what kept me here, instead of taking the move directly to the somewhere else. So why did this realization finally hit? Because we're almost done.
The day before I had met with the social services to start the process to get my parents into assisted living. I figured it might take a long time before my mother would see it that way, and I was totally floored when she was on the same page from the get go. She turns to my father and says, "I think it's a good idea, to move into a place where there is full service." As it is, the home service in Sweden works very well, but there is a limit to what they can provide. We're close to maxed out with them.
What I had been waiting for, energetically, was to com-plete their settling into assisted living. Which could happen sometime in the fall. So my job, or project, is almost done. I will be free to go wherever I'm meant to go. The emotions that came roaring in during the day were very strong. Mostly a lot of crying of relief. Understanding. It's not like I've sat and twiddled my thumbs. Moving retired people with ailments, dual citizenship, bank accounts in several places, well you can imagine all the stuff that needed to be sorted and simplified. Not to mention sorting out undocumented loans and wills. But I've taken it one step at a time and we're almost there.
Next week I go check out the assisted living possibilities, then we have to apply and wait our turn in queue. In Swe-den, nothing happens without waiting first. There is always a queue, waiting period, built into everything. You can imag-ine this impatient American chomping at the bit!
It feels like this thing with my parents is an agreement that we have. Not like karma, but agreement, where you take on a specific task to assist another soul (or fragment, as the Michaels like to call us). When the agreement is complete, there is often intense emotional relief, as the insight floods in why you have felt so compelled to hang in there. The funny thing is, while you are doing the agreement, you don't know it. It's only when it completes that you see the whole thread. I suppose we are not meant to know ahead of time, as we al-ways have choice. It is not cast in concrete that either of us will complete the agreement. A fragment can abdicate an agreement, which does have consequences and emotional fallout.
An example is the story of my twin sister, who abdicated the agreement three months into the womb. Unraveling the knots and setting each other free took some time, but once I was willing to see my part, it went a lot easier. There is an amazing amount of energy tied up in unresolved abdicated agreements.
So why didn't I know sooner that I had an agreement to help my parents resettle in Sweden? Probably because it would have interfered with the work, or lessons to be learned. It's as if a veil is put between you and the threads, to keep you plugging along. If you knew at the get go that you were completing an agreement, you may forgo other experi-ences in your life. The risk would be that you'd approach it from a let's get this done and over with, or maybe you'd over focus on the agreement and miss other aspects. I can only say that knowing about it ahead of time would not have served me.
Once the decision is made on the inner planes, the energy shifts. The path forward can be very swift.

September 4 Release: Healing Art 2010 Calendar

Press release published on Newsdesk.se:

September 4 Release: Healing Art 2010 Calendar
Eva Dillner's latest creation is a healing art calendar, that includes short anecdotes about the art to make it come alive.

Complete with links and all the details…